When I google roommate problems these are the most common issues that people sharing a space have-
- Borrowing personal items without permission.
- Eating other person’s food.
- Messy living habits.
- Poor personal hygiene.
- Lack of respect for each other’s personal space.
- Unwillingness to compromise.
- Immodest behavior.
The art of coexisting is not easy but should be carefully considered to make living situations tolerable.
Obviously, some roommates are intolerable. If your roommate steals your things or puts you in danger, you should immediately look for other living options. Sometimes though, you live with someone you really do usually get along with and only some little problems really annoy you.
Respectful Confrontation
Phrases like: “It upsets me when ________” “I thought we agreed _______” “Can we talk about ______?” “_______ makes me uncomfortable” can help us respectfully confront our roommates.
Avoid using the “you” pronoun and focus on “I”. Focus on how your roommate or their actions makes you feel instead of saying negative things about them.
For example, if your roommate is messy instead of saying “You’re so messy you’re making this place a pigsty” you could say, “I don’t feel like the cleaning rules we agreed upon are being followed.” or “Can we make some ground rules on how we are going to keep this place in order please?”.
Another example, if your roommate has been eating your food you could say “I don’t mind buying you _____ next time I’m at the grocery store if you pay me back but I’d really like to keep my _____ for myself.”
Respecful confrontation is incredibly important among roommates. Sometimes your roommates are friends, sometimes family, other times strangers but regardless, you don’t want to ruin a relationship based on an issue that is petty in the grand scheme. I know how frustrating it can be to constantly come home to a messy house because of your roommate or notice that your food is being eaten by someone else but these issues can be solved respectfully instead of in a fight or argument.
To some more intense people reading this article, my tactics may seem weak or like bending backwards but in my extended experience living with roommates, these kinder, gentler approaches work much more effectively than aggressive, disrespectful confrontation or fights.
Knowing when to Let Go
Let’s face it, some problems just aren’t worth the confrontation. Things your roommate just did once or a couple times may annoy you but unless it becomes an unbearable habit/pattern, maybe it’s better to let it go. If you can take a deep breath and bear it, maybe you should do so instead of starting a fight over something that really isn’t that important.
Hopefully respectfully confronting your roommate already helped deal with some of the issues you were facing. If not, you can always try other things like hiding your food/products so they can’t eat/use them, separating your space so you can keep it clean like you like it or getting out of the house more to study, work, and enjoy.
You’re never going to think the exact same as someone else. What you see as a problem might not be a problem in their eyes and using so much of your energy convincing them they’re wrong isn’t a good use of your time. Use this time and energy towards self-development and doing things you love.
Letting go can seem like giving up or backing down but it really isn’t. It is you deciding to take control of your emotions instead of letting them control you. In reality, letting go is much harder than continuing to fight so allow yourself to grow into a more tolerant person and just let go of some of these petty issues that are taking up your headspace.
Focus on the Positive
In most situations, no one is all good and no one is all bad. I’m sure the roommate you’re having problems with has good qualities that you admire. Maybe they make dinner for the two of you or they are artistic and hang up their work in your place for all to enjoy or they’re really funny and entertain you when you’re feeling down. I have yet to meet a person that is 100% bad so try to find the positive in your situation. The more positive vibes you bring to the house, the better the environment will be and maybe it’ll even help you and your roommate resolve your problems. 
I’ve had roommates since I was 11 (only over the summers at that age as I’m not counting my nuclear family as roommates) and have dealt with problems with them in so many ways. In my experience these 3 tactics are the most effective and for me the most liberating.
Roommate issues can drive you crazy if you let them…. I know that feeling of walking around your own place that you pay rent for and feeling so salty, annoyed and mad. Don’t let yourself get to that point- confront respectfully, let it go when you can and focus on the positive! 🙂
Good vibes my people, good vibes.
